It was the first week of kindergarten. LiL B was eager to succeed. He had already begun to memorize the alphabet, and was hard at work learning the hand motions to “The Itsy Bitsy Spider.”
Today, however, was extremely important. Today was the first written assignment of LiL B’s entire academic career. The teacher, Ms. Worther, moved efficiently through the tables, licking her fingers periodically as she passed out a pile of pink worksheets.
“What a nice color,” LiL B thought to himself absentmindedly. But as the teacher finally placed the handout in front of him, LiL B’s thoughts became far more negative.
“Describe yourself in one word. Remember, you can be anything you want to be!!
I AM _____________________ “
The falsely cheery handout made the question seem deceptively easy to LiL B. It was a weighty question for a philosophical kindergartener like himself. What was he, truly? What was his place in the vast, ever-expanding universe?
LiL B pondered this for a moment. He could be anything he wanted to be, according to the pink sheet. Yes, he was smart. Yes, he was handsome. And above all, he was undeniably talented. But how could he encapsulate that all in one simple word?
Stymied, LiL B stared at the paper for a minute, his face inscrutable. Then, suddenly, his features lit up with a beatific smile. Seizing this pencil, he wrote his word down on the worksheet.
“I AM Swag_____________”
He proudly brought it up to Ms. Worther. LiL B was running Kindergarten like it was Futball.
HEY BUTTCHECKS (AL GORE VOICE) SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN A WHILE. A BASED LIFE IS A BUSY ONE. WE’LL TRY TO POST REGULARLY FROM NOW ON. BASEDWORLD OUT!!
